Dreams be Dreams: Part III of Consequences
by Iris Messenger
Summary: Fifty years after Bella is changed, Jacob sends her a letter informing her of Charlie's death and upcoming funeral. Will she attend? What will happen when an all-too familiar face is waiting there for her?
1. Letter

**A/N:**

**These started out as one-shots examining relationships between the Bella and the Cullen's fifty years after her change, but then I realized it would perfectly fit my Consequence Series. This is installment III of Consequences, though they can be read in any order. This is chapter 1/3.**

Bella Cullen realized that she and Edward would argue a longer if not for Jasper.

Right now as she stewed, waves of calm and reasonable feelings overwhelmed the anger that was making her hands shake. "Come on Jasper, I know you're here." Bella shouted into the woods. He appeared from behind the trees, the air of shyness that still hadn't dissolved after fifty years very evident.

"I'm not good at subtle, am I?" He laughed slightly. Bella shook her head ruefully.

"I just know the symptoms." She replied. Jasper sat down beside her awkwardly.

"You know, even Carlisle and Esme disagree." He said gently, knowing, as always, just what she was feeling. Bella frowned and looked at him. "Carlisle and Esme disagree once every _century._" She said sternly. "Don't try to make me feel better about this. I hate arguing with him."

Jasper didn't need to ask who 'him' was. "He loves you Bella. Never forget that."

Bella closed her eyes. "I've always known _that_, Jasper. But—"

"You're worried that may not be enough." Jasper finished. She nodded. Jasper could feel remnants of anger, and confusion and worry, and underneath all of that, love. "Bella, Edward is worried about you."

"He still blames himself. He still thinks I've damned myself and he's angry and guilty all the time." Bella said, sharpness creeping into her tone.

"That's who Edward _is, _Bella." Jasper said calmly. "It's his nature to shoulder every bit of blame around him and pile it onto his shoulders."

"It's _stupid._" Bella said, frustrated. "I don't know if he can keep on loving me, when I'm the cause of so much of this pain."

"You're just insecure." Jasper said softly. "I _know._ Nothing could ever make Edward leave."

Bella was quiet for a few minutes. "Jacob wrote to me."

Jasper looked at her with mild surprise. "That explains a lot of what I've been feeling." He remarked.

Bella looked at him sharply. "Edward wasn't jealous was he? —Because I'm a vampire now and I _won't_ hurt Jacob by seeing him."

"Not jealous, but—angry a bit. And he was concerned, and sad. There was a quite a bit of control there too." Jasper replied. Bella slumped. Her eyes tightened a bit when she thought of the letter. Jasper looked at her quizzically when he felt the grief and wistfulness emanating from her.

"You _don't _regret your decision, do you?" Jasper asked quietly, tentatively.

"No! The letter said—well, you can read it." She answered, pulling the already worn piece of paper scrawled across in Jacob's still illegible handwriting. Jasper took it with surprise.

After a few moments he put it down. "I can see why Edward felt the way he did. He's insecure too, you know. Hoping you won't grow tired of him and fall in love with another. Scared Jacob _will _still love you, and that you'll let him."

Bella looked surprised at that. Jasper laughed.

"He's not perfect, though appearances can be deceiving." Jasper teased. Bella gently punched his shoulder.

They were silent for a few moments. Bella smiled gently and looked at her long, graceful, icy fingers. She flexed them and admired the delicate band of gold and stones that wrapped around her ring finger.

"And to think I made such a fuss about putting this thing on." She murmured, amused as she remembered the night she put it on the first time. She was lost in memories for a few minutes, struggling to remember the way it felt to bask in the sun on a beach, or to fly with Edward. (She thought of running with him carrying her as flying.)

She had forgotten that Jasper was there, so he startled her when he spoke. "Carlisle and Esme argued quite a bit their first fifty years together." Jasper commented. "Carlisle told me that when Alice and I had a disagreement." Then he noticed her surprise. "What are you thinking?"

"You're one of the few people I know who I can forget about being near. I'd forgotten you were sitting right beside me." She explained ruefully.

Jasper smiled. "I could say the same of you. Only I know when anyone is near me. Sometimes I wish I could trust that what I'm feeling is my _own_."

"It must be hard, feeling the pain of the world." Bella said softly. "And people are never quite at ease with you, when they know what you can do."

"There are perks." Jasper replied, an almost flippant tone to his voice. "People rarely lose their temper around me."

Bella laughed, then abruptly stopped. "I'm going to Forks, Jasper." She said. "I don't care if I see Jacob, I don't care if I'm recognized, I need to say goodbye to Charlie."

Jasper's face was serious when he nodded. "I understand." He said. Bella nodded. "I knew you would. I think that the others—they don't know what I feel. I still feel guilty for leaving him, and I need to know that he's gone, and that I can say goodbye."

"To humanity?" Jasper asked, but it wasn't really a question.

"In a way, yes." She replied. "Charlie is," she winced, "was my father. He never accepted that I was Edward's wife, and I need to see him."

Jasper's ageless eyes looked at her with worlds of empathy. "I know what you're feeling." He said.

"Edward will want to come." Bella said flatly. "He can't though. The pack may accept me, to go to the funeral, but Jacob might not accept Edward."

"You don't want him there." Jasper added with assurance. Bella shot him an annoyed glance.

"I need to be alone for this." She retorted. The two of them were silent for a long moment, Jasper looking at Bella intently. Finally he spoke again.

"You do. If you'd like, I'll talk to Edward." He looked slightly sheepish as he offered.

"Thanks Jasper. He won't like me going alone, but he'll be able to realize it's what I need." Bella said decisively.


	2. Dreams

_Bella,_

_You're dead, you know. I went to your funeral. They said you'd died in a car crash. Charlie was heartbroken, but then, you knew he would be when you chose your life. He's dead now, and his funeral is next week. He lived so long. Sam told me not to contact you. But he didn't _order _me not to. He can't, he doesn't phase anymore and I'm the alpha now. I thought you'd want to know, so you could say good-bye. Sam doesn't want vampires around though. The pack is starting to age; Quil and Claire are all grown up with children. Embry's middle-aged. Paul, Leah and I are the only ones still phasing. Sam wants it that way. I hope that you don't trigger another Pack, saying goodbye to Charlie. _

_I miss riding motorcycles and working in the garage with you. I miss catching you when you fell, and knowing that you thought I was 'sort of beautiful'. If you see me, will you still think I'm beautiful? I don't know if I'll still be able to see Bella in you. You're frozen, and I'm on fire. Opposites. I've still not imprinted, I wonder if I ever will. _

_Billy's dead. He died about ten years ago. I would have told you, but somehow I couldn't have you that close. Tell __the bloodsucker__ Edward thank you, from me. He must be taking good care of you, or else you'd have come back to me. So I suppose I'd better say thank you, because you're happy. I think I'd still take you back though, despite the urge I'd have to kill you._

_Love,_

_Jake _

Bella crumpled the letter in her fist and pulled the hood of the raincoat further over her face. She didn't want to be recognized. Most of Forks had come to the funeral of their former police chief. She scanned the crowd, on edge, looking for one face in particular, but she didn't see him. Perhaps it was for the best. She didn't know whether to feel relieved her sad. Somewhere in the middle, maybe—most of the memories were too dull to pin down. Bella rarely felt regret for the tears she'd lost fifty years ago, but now she wanted so much to be able to cry for Charlie.

The service was short, and afterwards people dispersed quickly to the reception, but Bella had no intention of attending that. When she was sure she was alone, she went to his newly dug grave under the tent, and pulled her hood off so that her face could be seen.

"Bye Charlie." She whispered in a jagged voice. She put one sunflower on his grave and stepped back, wishing she hadn't been so stubborn about coming alone. She needed Edward right now. But the thought of Edward and Jacob meeting had scared her too much.

"I'll be fine, Edward. You're too recognizable, you know." She had insisted, ignoring his persuasion attempts. For some reason, she needed to do this alone.

Bella turned away, and was about to pull her hood back up when the stench hit her and she froze. It smelled like wet dog, only a hundred times worse. She looked up—trying not to dry-heave—and saw him.

He hadn't changed at bit. His hair was still long and silky; his skin was still smooth and russet colored. His face was still unlined. Jacob was wearing a calm, in-control face that didn't hurt Bella at all. It was entirely his own, not the way his face would get when he was imitating Sam Uley's calm. His nostrils were flaring, smelling her icy, sickly-sweet scent. Bella noticed he was dressed in his customary sweatpants, and little else.

"Jake." She acknowledged him, trying to hide the pain that the torn piece of her heart was putting her through. She realized that she hated him now. Not consciously, but every fiber in her being was screaming out her hatred.

"I knew you'd come." He said coolly. "Where's Edward?"

"Not here." Bella replied with the same measure of chilliness. "I came—alone."

His eyes widened in surprise. "He let you come without him?"

"I'm not _breakable_ anymore, Jacob. And he doesn't tell me what to do." She snapped, the words coming out sharper than she intended.

Bella could see the revulsion struggling with the love in his eyes, and she saw the love winning. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to love Jacob back, but the closest she could get was a check on the urge to kill him. Nothing close to even friendship. She was unprepared when he closed the distance between us and put his arms around her. Bella shivered under his touch, feeling repulsed and guilty for feeling that way. She easily broke the embrace and stepped away; still trembling with the effort it took to keep the instinct to attack from taking over.

"I thought you really were dead. But you aren't." He said, wonder clear in his voice. "I still love you Bella."

Bella shook her head. "Let dreams be dreams. It can't happen anymore." she whispered. "I-You can't imagine how hard it is not to attack right now. I'm a _monster,_ Jake. I thought I could be a vampire without being a monster. But looking at you, Jake, and knowing my faded memories are the only thing that keep me from trying to _kill_ you…" She swallowed against the lump that was forcing its way up her throat. She'd thought that when her heart stopped beating, it wouldn't have been able to break, but she could feel the bit of her heart that had been Jacob's wither and die. Finally it was over.

Jacob's face was unsurprised but full of pain. "I'm sorry, Bells." He whispered. "I knew you'd find this out one day. I just hoped you'd realize before there was no going back."

She wished she could cry. Instead she leaned close to Jacob and swiftly brushed her lips across his. Before she could see his expression she had pulled her hood over her face and fled. It was best that way. The taste of werewolf made her spit again and again, trying to get it off her mouth.

A few minutes later a giant wolf slunk out of the tent. That night the air was thick with anguished howling.

Bella felt oddly light when she returned to Edward. He welcomed her silently, sensing she didn't want to talk. She kissed him hard and long, trying not to remember the butterfly light feeling of kissing Jacob goodbye.

"You saw Jacob, love." Edward said gently, holding her close. Bella nodded, surprised at the lack of guilt at the admission.

"I did." Bella said in a small voice. Edward nodded with an inscrutable expression on his face.

"Wait." She said sternly. "You're assuming things."

Edward was about to deny the accusation, but then nodded, smiling ruefully.

"I want to thank you for not killing him." Bella continued. Edward looked at her, surprised. She kissed him again.

"It was—hard. Only memories stood between a fight and me. How you must have restrained yourself."

"He still loves you, doesn't he?" Edward asked. Bella nodded, closing her eyes to hide the pain. He pulled her even closer to him.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He whispered into her hair, knowing all the unspoken thoughts that were suspended between them. "Go ahead and grieve, sweet."

A single tear, perfect and crystalline, slid down her cheek.


	3. Innocence Lost

**Last chapter: Jacob's POV**

Jacob Black shook his head and clawed his muzzle, trying to forget how absolutely terrible Bella had smelled. Trying to forget that her eyes were gold and not the deep brown he loved. The clear, pale, topaz eyes had a timeless quality about them that made Jacob want to curl up in a ball and wept for Bella's innocence lost.

She knew things others could not begin to imagine.

Jacob knew she must have—what was that term the Cullen's used? —"fallen off the wagon," in her newborn days.

How did this woman have the power to shrink him fifty years until he was a love-stricken teenager with only one aim in life? To be hers.

Jacob threw his head up to the moon and howled in anguish, wishing his heart would just finish breaking and be done with it. He had wasted sixty years waiting for her to come back.

_So you finally figured out that she meant it when she told you good-bye? _Leah thought venomously. _I know you thought you'd be the exception to love's unhappy nature, but news flash Jake! You're not. _

_SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY HEAD!_ Jacob yelled, putting the full force of his authority behind the command. Leah quickly phased back, whimpering.

_Bad luck, mate._ Paul said sympathetically, wincing as he felt the full force of Jacob's pain.

It made Jacob want to stay a wolf forever, like he had when he'd left before the wedding.

_Did you just hear what I said to Leah? _Jacob asked testily, in a dangerously calm voice. Paul phased back as well, leaving Jacob in welcome silence.

He wouldn't go back to how it was in that awful first year "getting over her". So Jacob didn't run into the woods and stay animal like he wanted to. The abandonment and pain got worse and worse the longer he put it off. So he phased back as well and slipped on his sweatpants and walked home to the empty house.

It was so easy to believe that Bella was there, talking to Billy and Charlie, having escaped from the bloodsuckers and come down to play hooky with him. Then he shook his head.

"I'm not that boy anymore." He said aloud. "And she's _not that girl!_" With a snarl he drew back his fist and slammed it into a near tree, not even bruising his knuckles. Then he bucked out of control and was once again in wolf form. It had been a long time since he lost control.

He ran. Tail between his legs he ran and ran, ignoring the calls from Paul and Leah, just ordering them not to phase until he got back.

_At least he's coming back, and Quil and Embry won't have to get him this time._ Leah remarked to Paul as they phased back.

Jacob growled softly but kept running, following the scent of where Bella had run. He ended up by a large house on the tundra of Alaska that smelt of Cullen and another coven Jacob couldn't identify.

And he behind the low rise of a hill, and waited.

He finally saw her. She and Edward were walking out of the door, hands twined. Bella wore a clinging blue dress with long sleeves and simple lines. Her mahogany hair was loose around her face, blowing gently as she and her husband walked. They stiffened slightly when the wind blew his scent towards them, and Jacob instinctively crouched lower. Then she whispered something in his ear and they kept walking.

Jacob watched them for nearly a week. Watched them kiss and laugh and read. There _was_ another coven, but Jacob saw they had the same yellow eyes.

Jacob realized he had never seen Bella look entirely happy, like all of her belonged where she was. When she was with Edward her whole face shone with love as passionate as it had been when she was a teenager. Well, more of a teenager than she was _now._

And so he went home.

"Oh, so you've finally decided to return to us, _oh great one._ Pray tell, what the _hell_ were you doing all week?" Paul spat.

Jacob gave him a _look_ designed to freeze his blood. Paul subsided.

_Hmmm, I was stalking my archenemy's wife, Paul. _Jacob thought acidly.

"I was saying goodbye." He finally explained. Paul looked angry, then unexpectedly his eyes softened. "She died, Jacob." He said.

No, she's still _so_ alive. Just not for him.


End file.
